Josh Hamilton reported to Spring Training on Tuesday 20 pounds lighter, and he claims it was all thanks to juicing. “But Andrew,” you, my dear reader, say, “won’t juicing in fact make you bigger?! Because don’t you get more muscle and stuff and muscle weighs more than fat, at least that’s what my gym coach told me in 10th grade when I couldn’t climb the rope.” Ah, but see, that’s where my deceptive headline comes into play. Master of puns, I am.
No, Hamilton reportedly shed the weight via a juice diet — you know, like fruits and vegetables blended together to make things that don’t taste as good as In-N-Out.* Hamilton, a deeply religious man, stated that the Lord woke him up in the middle of the night and drew him to infomercials featuring nutrition author Cherie Calbom. Through this, he learned the tricks of the [legal] juicing trade.
* I consider it juicing when I ask for tomatoes on my cheeseburger.
I admire Hamilton’s productivity when waking up in the middle of the night. If I wake up at some funky hour, I’ll go rummage the fridge or admire the mustache of the My Pillow guy. Anyway, the Angels hope Hamilton’s health binge will keep him healthy and productive heading into the season. It’s a common offseason joke that players are always “in the best shape of their lives.” But with Hamilton that might actually be the case. I mean, it can’t hurt, right?
If you follow the link in the first paragraph there’s a video that better explains what Cherie Calbom is all about. I didn’t watch any of it because it’s almost 30 minutes long and anything over 45 second on YouTube means I’m not watching it. But if you’re bored or want some health tips of your own, have at it. You never know, maybe you too can become a pro ball player!