If you’re a TV fan worth your salt, you know the brilliant Arrested Development returns after a seven-year hiatus this Sunday, with all 15 episodes available for streaming via Netflix. The business model obviously worked, as I purchased Netflix’ streaming option solely for this.*
* Well, that and my wife also wanted to watch Rock-A-Doodle for nostalgic purposes. I’ve never been so confused during a movie.
Critically beloved but little watched, Arrested Development was axed after only three seasons. However, the show developed a rabid and devout fan base in its brief run. If it’s not the best comedy show ever, it’s only because we’re including The Simpsons in the argument. (Although, Arrested Development never crashed and burned like The Simpsons has for a decade.)
This being a blog written by people who live in their parents’ basements and feast on Hot Pockets, we obviously watch Arrested Development and eagerly await Sunday, when I plan on watching all 15 episodes and taking only breaks for food. Bathing is optional.
As an excuse to write about AD in a baseball setting, here are members of the Angels and baseball universe in general, along with their sitcom counterparts.
- George Bluth
The patriarch of the Bluth family, George’s meddling often runs his real estate firm, the Bluth Company, into the ground. Also, he ends up in prison and is the suspect of some Saddam-aided “light treason.” Similarly, Arte Moreno’s constant prodding into Angels baseball decisions often does more harm than good. Moreno, who should be under a strict “No Touching” policy when it comes to Angels roster moves, is believed to be the main reason the Angels dropped gobs — or Gobs, if you prefer — of money on Josh Hamilton and Albert Pujols.
Many Angel fans also consider Moreno guilty of his own light treason when he added “Los Angeles” to the team’s official name. Moreno’s free agent signings and marketing moves suggest that he secretly wants to be the Dodgers. Meanwhile, George is also known for his affinity for Dodger blue.
- Michael Bluth
Michael takes over the Bluth Company when George goes to prison and is entrusted to right the ship, ultimately achieving “not buy” success. Often though, Michael finds he lives in his father’s shadow and can’t run the company as he sees fit, even though he isn’t impervious to poor decisions. This is obviously Jerry Dipoto, whose vision as GM can’t be realized until Moreno backs off and let’s him spend the banana stand money the way he sees fit — even if some of those decisions are Joe Blanton.
Also, both obviously spend 15 minutes a day fixing their hair in a mirror.
- Ann Veal
Dipoto settled on Joe Blanton as a member of the starting rotation, prompting us all to say “him?”
- Buster Bluth
The soft-spoken Buster loses his hand when a loose seal bites it off in the ocean and he has difficulty coping with the loss. Loves juice.
Albert Pujols just isn’t the same player while dealing with plantar fasciities, and the memory of his past, healthy performance haunts Pujols and fans alike. Sponsors his own type of juice.
- Tobias Fünke
Mike Scioscia. A man we never want to see nude.
- Lindsay Bluth Fünke
Michael’s twin sister, Lindsay is often asked to accomplish tasks for the Bluth Company, the simplest of which she fails to perform. Her intentions are often good, as she takes up many a charitable cause. At a charity auction where the winner receives a date with Lindsay, the buyer wildly overpaid, as she was scarred and sunburned from a day saving the wetlands. Unfortunately, she also has a habit of irresponsibly spending the Bluth Company’s dwindling resources.
Moreno probably expected to get more out of Josh Hamilton, but at this point it seems he wildly overpaid for his services. Given his terrible play in 2013, Hamilton is more or less stealing from the Angels. Like Lindsay’s adventure in the wetlands, Hamilton is also known to have issues with the sun.
- Gob Bluth
Gob, short for George Oscar Bluth, is a magician that primarily serves to annoy the rest of the cast, his “illlluuuusssssions” constantly misfiring or causing harm to animals.
C.J. Wilson (C.J. is short for Christopher John) primarily just annoys fans, given his tendency to nibble on the corner of the plate and leave games early due to escalating pitch counts. Somehow he has only a 3.39 ERA despite 4.52 walks per nine innings. How does he escape jams? Illlluuuusssssisons.
Also, couldn’t you totally see Wilson owning a Segway?
- Annyong Bluth
Annyong. Adopted from Asia, the youngest Bluth became a regular part of the family.
Jerome Williams: pitched in Asia prior to the Angels signing him, and is now a regular part of the pitching staff. Annyong.
- STEVE HOLT!
- Kitty Sanchez
“Say goodbye to THESE, Michael!
Wish you were here, Patrick Corbin and Tyler Skaggs.
- Lucille Bluth
Cold-hearted, Lucille is a master manipulator, often pitting the Bluth children against each other to do her bidding. Always seems one step ahead of everyone and typically gets what she wants.
Jon Daniels. Ugh.
- Maeby Fünke
Often the quickest wit on the show, Maeby has a knack for excelling in multiple roles, whether that be running a movie studio or winning Inner Beauty pageants. Mike Trout, typically the quickest player on the field, excels at everything one could do on a baseball diamond.
- George-Michael Bluth
Awkward, bad at sports, and in love with his cousin.
Andrew Karcher. Awkward, bad at sports, and in love with Mike Trout.
Follow Andrew on Twitter @andrewkarcher. Think I made a huge mistake with my list? Leave your Angel/Bluth comps in the comments below.